I am struggling.
I am struggling to find myself in a sea full of worry I have created upon my own.
I used to be strong and strong-willed
but then I lost my drive and motivation.
I lost what filled my soul and drove my heart.
And I can’t tell if it’s that I’m getting older,
or the world is changing,
but I lost me along the way to find myself.
I am hard to the earth
where on this earth, it was once hard to be me.
I am becoming dull and dumb
where I once bloomed and strived for the light.
I lost my ways of loving and being open
and have in-turn shut out the light that let me glow.
I am struggling to remember
a time where I wasn’t like this
because honestly I even remember my family saying the things I’ve been thinking
when I was younger and more naive.
I am struggling to find the middle ground where true should actually be
between what I feel is right
and what’s been haunting me.
I want to be love and I want to be free
but I can’t pull away from the freedom that I won’t let the other people be
I need change and I need acceptance
but am not willing to change for myself
or accept who I am.
And so I sit and stay
in this narrow unfulfilled space
while I let my life pass me by
and these slow, nurtureless thoughts race.