i found this man, and he is a man, not a boy. i found this man that made my world set fire for so long and who set me on fire. i found this man who has done so much for me.

but when i found this man i started to lose myself, just like i have done every other time, with others. i have lost myself in someone who is understanding and caring, but i am still lost and do not know how to find myself.

i have always found myself in other people. i have always let people define me and used my spirit as my guide of when they are not good to me anymore. but this man, i don’t see him not being good to me anymore. i only see myself pulling away and losing myself even further. i only see my self-sabotage slowly taking place so that no one knows it but me, because i’ve done it before.

i don’t know how to go next, but i don’t want to lose myself and i can’t afford to lose this man. i have to push, i have to find myself separate but the same as him. i have to step up and define my life, define my spirit, define my sanity so i can set fire to him like he did to me.

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